In a shock move yesterday, Bargain Booze of Hamworthy, Poole, raised the price of its Custard Creams from 29 to 35 pence per packet, throwing commodity markets into turmoil and sparking rumours of a worldwide Custard Cream shortage as the global recession bites deeper.
This comes at a time when families are having to tighten their belts as the summer rioting season approaches. For a family of four, the increase would take an average weekly basket of forty-three packets of Custard Creams from £12.25 to £15.05, an inflation-busting 18 % increase, squeezing discretionary spending at a time when pay packets are frozen and unemployment queues grow longer.
Worried observers note that shoppers may have little choice but to buy cheaper and far less tasty varieties of biscuit. “Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse” observed one young mother from the nearby Turlin Moor estate. “I need me fags, me booze, and me lottery, and me tax credits, housing, JSA, hardship allowance, mobility and child benefits will only go so far”, adding “It's Rich Tea from now on”.
When asked to comment on the move, the proprietor, Mr. Patel said: “Bloody bastard wholesalers raising bloody prices, up, up” and suggested that he may now be forced to increase opening hours to twenty three and a half hours a day, from last week's twenty-two hours. “Minimum spend £5 for debit card, plis” he added, pointing to a conveniently placed selection of out-of-date Fig Rolls.
At the time of writing, New York Custard Cream futures were trading at £0.3749 per packet, indicating that the worst is yet to come.
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